Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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