No stitches, just platelets and will power
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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