So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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