Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
