sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
