So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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