my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We are two peas in an std pod
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
