she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
