dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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