at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
