Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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