Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
