so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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