Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You can't special order awesome
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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