The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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