I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
