We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
