New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
