My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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