new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
