He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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