You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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