Small penises have feelings too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
