I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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