Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
