Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
