I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
