Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
