Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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