She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
