I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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