you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Enjoy the penises
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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