Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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