i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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