me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
