Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
