there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
