Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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