I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
