just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have already put on my inside pants.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
