It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
