WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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