walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
