In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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