i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
