PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
