Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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