Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

At what point did we cease to have vaginas?

(720): View more from Colorado

Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.

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(970): At what point did we cease to have vaginas? (720): Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year. http://tfl.nu/ox7z

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

(703): View more from Virginia

It's the American dream

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(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

mornings like this make me wish i was morman.

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(978): mornings like this make me wish i was morman. http://tfl.nu/eeuj

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(201): View more from New Jersey

and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.

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(201): and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate. http://tfl.nu/09wt

Replies (34) Good night (3627) Bad night (507)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(502): I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off. http://tfl.nu/n96o

Replies (30) Good night (4822) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
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(517): View more from Michigan

my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

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(517): my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab. http://tfl.nu/ejcr

Replies (22) Good night (439) Bad night (4944) Order T-Shirt
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(972): View more from Texas

you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

(214): View more from Texas

round 2?

(972): View more from Texas

EVER.

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(972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06

Replies (10) Good night (990) Bad night (3471)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.

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(225): This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season. http://tfl.nu/y1m7

Replies (20) Good night (578) Bad night (5056) Order T-Shirt
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(720): View more from Colorado

I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

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(720): I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls http://tfl.nu/uqfq

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(989): View more from Michigan

He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.

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(989): He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT. http://tfl.nu/p01t

Replies (8) Good night (592) Bad night (1897)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.

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(724): Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful. http://tfl.nu/ytjz

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(248): View more from Michigan

Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.

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(248): Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime. http://tfl.nu/xtk5

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(831): View more from California

I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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(831): I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible. http://tfl.nu/g067

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(305): View more from Florida

So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates

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(305): So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates http://tfl.nu/kad8

Replies (11) Good night (306) Bad night (1568)
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(815): View more from Illinois

after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.

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(815): after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even. http://tfl.nu/ebz9

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