Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.