I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry