Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.