I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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