Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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