We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
