Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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