I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A+ Viking dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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