I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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