I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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