Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
