You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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