The maid of honor just puked.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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