He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
