I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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