You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
