So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
