census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
